A Collision of Convictions

Some are suggesting that this 2020 election is maybe the most historically significant election ever. That may be a stretch, and a bit of an egotistical assault on the reality of every other person facing an election over the millennia, but this one certainly has its share of pressure. While sometimes it can be interesting (for a while) to process things causing us pressure that are far outside of our control, I think it’s just as important that we spend enough time processing the impact of pressure on us personally, and the choices we can make that may improve the experience of others - even those we are least likely to embrace. At this point, the election results are outside of our control, so what’s left? The only thing left are the multiple decisions we will have the opportunity to make as we respond. The pressure of this moment is important, but deep and overwhelming pressure isn’t new to us. To assume so would be to assume that somehow we are so much more important than the human beings who have faced unfathomable challenges in the past that required courage, sacrifice, grace, forgiveness and fortitude at levels we may be feeling today.

If you talk to people on either side of this election, one shared reality is that there is fear out there....and fear creates pressure....so let’s talk about pressure.

Pressure Defined

For years I have defined pressure as an invisible but real force that tells you something is changing. Pressure is fundamentally about change, but why does it matter so much right now? Understanding the pressure we may be feeling right now is important, and to get there, we need to understand the fundamental definition of pressure. And here, it can be helpful to lean into science.

Definition #1: Pressure is defined as the amount of force exerted per area. So, to create a large amount of pressure, you can either exert a large force (push hard) over a large area, or exert a force over a small area (or do both). We experience this all the time where we think about pressures we face. Some of them feel like massive forces over large parts of our lives, and at other times pressure feels really acute to one particular and very specific moment or relationship.

Definition #2: Pressure is caused by collisions of fast moving molecules with the sides of a container. Pressure increases as the number of molecular collisions and the pace of the collisions in a particular area goes up. The more collisions of molecules, the more pressure on the walls that contain the molecules, the higher. To stretch that to our experience as humans, the walls represent the boundaries we are experiencing, and the collisions represent the changes or differences between what is, and what might be next that is different.

Types of Collisions

So when it comes to the psychology of the pressure we feel, what collisions are taking place that are increasing the pressure we are experiencing? There are likely at least three types of collisions that fundamental psychology teaches us about.

1) A Cognitive Collision of thinking within us - Dissonance (dissatisfaction with difference) between what I am thinking and what I’m doing or visa versa. Psychologically referred to as cognitive dissonance.

2) An Environmental Collision - Dissonance between what I want and what I perceive I’m allowed to do or have. A person-environment interchange.

3) A Relational Collision - Dissonance of thinking between us and a difference between my convictions and your convictions. When we studied people in high pressure situations, this was the most common form of collision producing a dissonance that then produced pressure for individuals.

On top of that, there are at least two kinds of people who react very differently to all three types of pressure, but who are seeking the same goal through different strategies - to reduce the dissonance. There are collision seekers and collision avoiders. While I’ll save a conversation regarding understanding which “type” we are, the important thing to note is that they are chasing the same goal of reducing the dissonance.

While this may sound like psychobabble, claiming it as such is not only irresponsible, but downright reckless. The starting point for any of us to show up in the way we are demanding of our leaders requires each of us (I’m speaking to my own choir here) to understand the collisions we are each personally facing and the potentially dysfunctional responses that may follow if we are to hear each other better, accept and give forgiveness, and lead forward with redeeming composure and connection to something beyond our own need. The rhetoric on the portrayed “sides” of our election is certainly no model for this level of leadership thinking, but we gotta start somewhere because these collisions are necessities if we are going to learn anything. Learning is fundamentally about change, and change produces pressure. I’m not talking about collisions for the sake of getting my way, but collisions for the sake of me learning something that might help me be better, for your sake.

Question Today

1. What is the collision I am experiencing today? I’m fully aware that for some, the election is creating the collision. For others, they have bigger pressure fish to fry that are deeply personal today. The election is just noise for some.

2. What type of collision is it - A cognitive pressure, an environmental pressure, or a relational pressure?

3. Having named it, what can we do to be our best selves in this moment - a version of ourselves that creates bridges and not borders, clarity about who we are becoming with plenty of room for the convictions of others, and a longer term perspective on this moment in our personal history in full realization that this moment is about us, but mostly about our service to the most unlikely people in our world whose side is not as far away as we might currently think.

So, in this moment of seemingly polarized views in culture (maybe true or maybe what is being portrayed on every side of the media), pressure is real, and it has a message for us. Pressure is saying, “I’m here, and I can take you down a path of compulsion or intention. I can cause you to shut down internally, distance relationally, and focus on environmental factors outside of your control - the goal being to destroy. You can believe that, or you can see me (pressure) as an invitation and indication - an indication that something may be changing, and an invitation to look out for the unlikely others who are causing the dissonance for you, and to see them like you, needing grace, an open ear, and a way forward - together.” Pressure says that to me every day, and my hope is that I will maintain the courage necessary to take the second option as often as possible.