Tell Me Your Story - Recovering the Unled and Mismanaged
Throughout my career, especially the last half-dozen years, I have been asked to take on what many refer to as "the hard cases." Other managers have found them difficult to work with, low-performing, frustrated, even hostile. While I am sure that there will be exceptions, thus far, I have actually found every single one of these people to actually be solid employees and eventually significant contributors to the team. The secret, I have found, is how you start the conversation with them and the four words I have found to be most powerful to unlock their potential are, "tell me your story."
We all want to tell our story, to feel understood and appreciated. We all want to do a good job; no one aspires to be frustrated.
Upon my initial meeting with someone who I have been "warned" about, the flow generally goes like this: walk in to the room or office (or these days, pull up the conferencing software) followed by quick introductions of names. Once names are established, so you can speak with each other as people, I open the conversation with, "tell me your story."
See, people generally know what their reputation is, they may not know the fine details of what people say behind their backs, but the sense how they have been treated, and this often leads to a vicious cycle of frustration, anger, low-performance, etc. But many people have never had the chance to tell their side - what was it that started them on this path in the first place, and how it has evolved.
Maybe it helps that I have had experience being unled and mismanaged, and I have been down the road of frustration and anger, leading to missed promotions and limited opportunities. But I have been fortunate enough to have mentors step in to help me recover from the affects. This leads to genuine empathy for others like me.
Some people start at the beginning (I was born on a Tuesday…), some react with well-ingrained suspicion, but by listening and prompting, allowing the conversation to develop, you can often discover a couple of key points to their path: why they started in this career field and job in the first place and the events or situations that have knocked them off track.
Some of this you may already know because you have been told by others, it is ok to acknowledge that, but remind them that you want to hear their side of the story.
Often, these employees are frustrated because they have been shuffled along, one project or manager to the next, and feel they have not been given opportunities to show their worth. They have been given menial tasks that do not challenge them and help them grow. They feel they have been excluded from more interesting works, leading to deeper levels of frustration. So, one of the things I do as we talk is to make a list of things I can control - potential projects I can get them involved in and key assignments they are hoping for. Then we make a deal: I will do my best to find them the opportunities, but in the meantime, they need to do their best at the work they already have; and we both need to follow-through.
It is amazing how quickly some of these unled and mismanaged can come back to full engagement and productive contributions.
Credibility is important. As the manager, I need to show credibility by seeking out the types of opportunities the employee needs. Often you can start small such as an assignment on a special project they are interested in. You need to build the trust needed for their frustration and suspicion to ebb and for their hope and sense of purpose to re-emerge. Regular communication is key. There will be setbacks, especially as they engage with others who believe in the sullied reputation they have developed. Within a few weeks however, as trust and confidence build, the mojo comes back, people start to question the reputation they heard when confronted with the evidence before them of an engaged, motivated individual.
The vicious cycle turns virtuous.
Over time, the employee can rehabilitate their reputation and get fully back in sync with the organization. Several of the people I have worked with have become the highest performers in those units, taking on advanced projects, leadership opportunities, and mentoring others.
Tell me your story. Help me understand. Where can we go from here? How can I help you get there? Let's go.
Disclaimer: The views expressed are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of his employer or the U.S. Government.
